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08.03.10 : The sidewalks are watching me think about you…

I found out last night that one of my best friends passed away in a tragic car accident. She and I have been through so much together, and it will be impossible to replace her in my life or in this world. She carries so much of me with her to the other side. I am in shock and I don’t know when it will hit me. There are so many events and emotions that we experience enough times in our lives that we know what to expect and how it will feel when certain things happen. But death doesn’t happen that often, so it is a totally surreal thing to try to process, especially when the person is close to you.

My friend was an incredible energy source in my life. She was full of light and everyone wanted to be around her. She was not afraid to be herself and she was honest in everything she did and said. We had such an amazing friendship. We met when we were 20, and immediately fell in love. We threw basement shows together, went on adventures together, made each other mix tapes, and spent endless hours listening to music, talking about life, and encouraging each other to live out our dreams. She introduced me to The Weakerthans, which is still one of my favorite bands of all time. She was one of the only people in my life who always pushed me to play my music. She was constantly telling me I needed to get back on the creative path, and she was my biggest fan. I still remember all those afternoons in my first apartment by myself in Madison when she would over and force me to play and sing my latest songs for her on my acoustic guitar. Very few people have gotten me to play my songs for them one-on-one — before or since. She and I supported and trusted each other; we shared everything and kept no secrets between us.

She eventually moved from Madison (where we met) to Seattle, where she became a social worker, helping troubled kids get on the right path. She took a year off to travel the world by herself, something I can’t even imagine trying to do, but she did it and she won the hearts of everyone she met along the way. She stayed with me in LA before and after that trip, and I got to see how nervous she was going into it, and then how confident she was when she got back — having achieved and surpassed her goals, and having learned so much about herself in that year.

Though we didn’t see each other or talk often enough after we both left Madison, the connection remained strong, and I knew I could pick up a phone and call her anytime, and it would seem like no time had gone by at all. Thanks to G,NA, I was able to tour to Seattle a few times in the past couple years, and spend some time with her there. We got to have some of our inspiring talks, and catch up on all the latest stories from each of our lives.

A few days ago, she texted me to ask if she could bring some of the kids she worked with to Warped Tour to see me play. I told her of course, and that I missed her. I will never get used to the idea that I can’t pick up a phone to call her, but now more than ever I am inspired to live my life to the fullest every day, to be true to my calling, to never take anything for granted, and to head into each new adventure with determintation and a smile on my face.

Sara, I love you, I thank you, and I will always miss you.